For the past week or so I have been all paranoid about the upcoming mammogram I had scheduled today. I was supposed to have it done back in March due to my 35th birthday. So, after the constant urging of my doctor I had to traipse down to the radiology imaging center and finally have it done. I protested with the usual...
"Why should I go? I don't have big ta ta's.."
"Oh please, I'm fine, I don't feel anything."
"Honey I am way too young for that sort of thing"
"No way, that crap hurts, I've heard the stories"
But my hubby finally struck me with...
"What am I going to do if something is wrong, and its too late? Please get the test done and over with."
Then of course I glanced over at my daughter and decided he was right, what if there really was something? So, I made the dreadful appointment. Yeah, I might be strong in a lot of areas but honey I was petrified at the thought of the big scary monster of a machine smashing the hell outta my little skittle titties.
See, there is also the little fact that my mother's sister, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer about 6 years ago. They found it early and she was able to treat it and it has not come back. So, there was also that deep rooted fear that maybe, just maybe it had crept into my tiny little body too. That the big scary "C" monster would get me too. My hubby wanted to go with me, I told him that it would be okay; but deep inside I really wanted and needed his support. Hell any support, it could have been a complete stranger for all I cared!
In the end my dear friend David went, he stayed with me, gave me support, kind words. He reassured me that I was doing the right thing, preventative measures are the best measures. I sat close to him and we cracked jokes, laughed, teased people in the waiting room. Then they called my name, I sat motionless, and he tugged my arm. We both rose, but the radiology tech scolded that he couldn't come back with me only women. I protested, saying that he was somewhere in the middle, and that had to account for something!
She laughed and shook her head no, David sat back down and I was whisked away down a long hall. There was another rather young girl probably early thirties, who stood there shaking like a leaf. We were told to strip down, gown opened to the front. We both did what we were told, and sent to a waiting room.
The tech came to get me, she was a polite petite Asian lady with a cute haircut (you know I check for stuff like that) she reassured me that everything would be okay.
The machine wasn't all that scary looking, not threatening at least. Then it happened, I laid my breast onto the cool metal; was pulled and pinched in two directions. It might have been uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt. She made it easy as well with her lightheartedness, and pleasant demeanor. Then it was all over.
I was told the doctor would receive the results tomorrow, and I would have to wait. Then I left just as quickly as I came, exhaled, redressed, gathered up my David and left.
I await my fate Queens, but I know all is well. If we can just get past our fear. Fear of finding out the "what-ifs" maybe all will truly be okay. We have to get past fear of all that is uncomfortable in our lives. He have to get over fear of taking our HIV tests yearly, losing jobs, interviews, new relationships, and now mammograms...We have to get over the fear of whatever obstacle may be staring in our faces.
So please, for your health sake, your children, lovers, parents, friends get your mammograms done if you are in your mid-thirties, or if there is a history of breast cancer in your family.
October, is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month...remember you can live with the results!
Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!