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Jul 29, 2010

A Note From Writing Addict

 Why the Natural Woman is Content

I just read a post over on one of my "guilty pleasure" websites, Necole Bitchie, where Lyfe Jennings breaks it down as to why the "baller" does not want a regular woman. The media these days will tell you that the black woman isn't whats hot right now...they will tell you this because the "other" women seem to be "in demand." That is they are on the television, the movie screen, in print, on the blogs, and swinging on the arms of black men everywhere. No matter how great, and secure the black woman is the subject still comes up almost on a daily basis. It comes up in girl talk all of the time amongst my friends, and my friends are blended; meaning, I have friends of every color of the rainbow.  So, usually my friends will turn to me and ask me, "Toshia how is it that you snagged a good black man?"  Then I have to retort with, "Well, why wouldn't I? I'm a great catch honey." That and the fact that I didn't sit around waiting for the perfect black man (more on this another time).  

I get the looks, and even the questionable stares by women and men all of the time. Those questionable eyes are wondering, "What makes her so confident, so secure, so damn happy."  I'm getting to the point of my post keep reading.  This contentment with myself didn't come so easily. Trust me there was a point in my life where I was very insecure, I didn't know if I were coming or going. Also, I too grimaced and turned up my lip when I saw a brother with a non-black woman. But those days are long gone, I am an equal opportunity player, and I could care less what or who a black man chooses to date. Of course, I have to disagree with any person refusing to date a particular race because they think that race isn't good enough. I have some choice words for a person who refuses to date within their race, because of superficial ideals, or generalization of the whole race.  

Therefore, I've come to this conclusion; loc'd and natural women everywhere have a certain air about themselves, a certain je ne sais quoi.  I'm going to focus on locs because this is a loc blog. Sure its only hair, but you have to understand what it takes to get to the place where you decide to go natural. Let it all go and just be yourself, the woman God intended you to be without additives or fillers. To rebuff the creamy crack, to just say no to that silky, laying down effect. It takes a whole lot of deprogramming especially if you weren't raised to love your natural self. So when you finally deprogram and reprogram yourself with self-love, self-esteem, happiness, and spirituality everything else comes naturally. You no longer look for that superficial brother who is living a certain "lifestyle." You don't care about too many Chanel or Prada bags, you could care less about being seen on the scene, and being provided for in a certain capacity. Now, don't get me wrong this is not to say we as natural women don't want to live comfortably and afford nice things, I am saying that it comes secondary to the "quality of life we receive." We rather get our spirit right and have longevity with a man who is on the same page. This man will be in touch with his spirit, will make sure his Queen is happy, he sees past her outward appearance, and looks at the overall beauty. He isn't interested in bagging this chick, or that chick. The men we usually date, or become mates with are taking care of himself, his children, and his Queen. He doesn't want the spotlight, a harem of chicks, nor is he materialistic. Guess what? He might not be black either (complete shocker I know).

So, black women if you are reading this and you are wondering why industry men aren't looking at you when you have so much to offer you ought to be happy. You ought to breathe a sigh of relief. You might be sparing yourself a lot of heartache, sleeplessness, emptiness, and ignorance.  If you are wondering why you aren't the ballers so called choice then you need to look inward and reevaluate your own thinking.  I have a King, and he is the most laid back, intelligent, kind, spiritual, giving, and loving black man I have ever known. He doesn't care about attention from anyone besides myself and our children. I can go to sleep without worry, my quality of life is great. Yes, I have the two degrees, two cars, and a house in the suburbs and it didn't take a so called baller to get it. 

I'm content with my "quality" of life, and you should be content with the quality of yours.

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!


B said...

Another reason to love you! This was beautiful, sis.

Mai said...

All I can say is great post! You are right on!