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Feb 10, 2010

Stupid is as Stupid Does...the further Misogyny of Black Women

As if we don't have to deal with if we aren't fighting with our "own" over how they portray Black women. As if we aren't fighting with our own women, over how they portray themselves in the limelight and media.  We are fighting a battle everyday! For our rightful place. Our rightful place in society, media, love, business, etc.

Black women, these words should not astound nor surprise you. You probalby say, or rap to the words in the above picture everyday. However, do you think about their meaning? Do you understand the implications of your actions?

John Mayer, now I think he is an awesome singer, but a good person? The jury is still out on that, I'm starting to believe he is just another misogynist. Earlier on Twitter, I found myself confused as to why he became a trending topic. That is until I googled his latest shenanigans.  Then I found these quotes from  his March 2010 Playboy interview:

8. “I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.”

9. “My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”
Well, well now we know that John Mayer thinks he has a so-called, "Black pass," and while he will date a Black woman, he will not have sexual relations with them. Really John? This is cool in 2010? You don't have some sort of publiscist to keep you in check while interviewing?

Now, there will be those of you who don't see the big deal, or hoopla if you will about why these few quotes are bad; becasue after all you don't have sex with men outside of your race. However, are you saying outloud that your vagina is racist? Are you insinuating that there is something wrong with that other race?

On the other hand ( I will play devil's advocate here) everyone has their sexual preference and there is nothing wrong with that. However, when you are in the limelight there are some things you just don't say.

I don't know how you feel about this, but for me, I find it quite disturbing that this douche bag thought it fine to say these things. I am tired, very tired of the media (i.e. Vanity Fair), rappers (i.e. Young Berg), and whoever else who feels it is fine to single out and express their distaste for minorities.  We black women take it at heart because we know he is referring to us, not just other minorities other than white. We are sick of it.

Need another reason not to assimilate? Trust me this is one reason on my list.

Please chime in.

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!


Aisha said...

He is a complete idiot, not only for thinking but for saying this. I think it's offensive to Black people and to all women period.

The problem is we don't create enough of a stink when people pop off at the mouth (or twitter in this case)like this. And I'm including AA artists as well. Let's see how much Black people "love" him after reading this.

Writing Addict said...

Yea I agree with you, but people are really giving this whole thing the side eye because our own people are saying it. So, its hard to try and punish "others" for it if we aren't any better! We still have a long rough road ahead of us as usual its soo sad.

Naturigurl said...

Exactly why I do not support Artists like him. He has a few black friends in the media (typically DBM) and he does a stint on the Chappelle show then he thinks he's in with all black people. Just seeing him through the media I can only take him at face value he's a talented nobody with an opinion that's all. IMO he has no decency for himself he can't even commit to a relationship for 5 min that is quite ok with me Mr. Mayer you can keep your V.E.R.Y supremacist C*&K to yourself.

buttahdread said...

Hi Writing Addict!

I would first like to comment on the image at the beginning of your blog.

The words ‘bitch’, ‘trick’, and ‘ho’ will never truly go away, because there are real bitches, tricks and hoes in all races, including ours. Not everyone is ‘good’. Nor are we meant to be; it provides balance in the Universe. I know some bitches, tricks and hos. And trust, when someone calls them that, they are proud of it, because they know who they are. This works the opposite way as well. If you are not a bitch, trick, or ho, if someone calls you that, it should not affect your psyche. Yes, by all means, curse them out, because who are they to speak to you in such a manner? However, after that, shrug it off and go home with the certainty that you know who are, and that a word cannot change the way you feel about yourself.

Victims are only pitied. Victims are weak. And what do the Black women in the image look like? Victims. So dejected and sad because they allowed someone else’s words to define them. Mind-control at its finest. We must put our energy into self-growth and transformation instead of worrying about what other people are saying about us. If we did this, we would eventually regain our power. And once we have our power, ‘they’ and their nasty little words, will no longer matter to us.

Now, on to Mr. Mayer.

John Mayer said that he is not sexually attracted to Black women. He said it in a tactless and inflammatory way. So what? The man can have his preferences, and he can voice his preferences in any way he pleases. If someone said to me, “Well, you can feel a certain way, but you can only express that feeling in a manner that is acceptable to me”, I’d tell them to go to hell. We all have the right to say exactly what we mean. Along with this, however, we must be willing to accept the consequences of our statements.

I don’t see how anyone can be mad at Mayer for this interview. The man tells you he is a douchebag, then he says something that proves his douchebag-iness. All he did was show us who he really is. He was honest. We’re getting mad over honesty now, just because it was something that we didn’t want to hear?

The one question we should be asking ourselves is: "Do John Mayer's statements contribute to the downfall of the Black race?" All the man said is that he won’t sleep with Black women. Is our collective self-esteem so low that we are angry that one white man, who is an admitted douchebag, doesn’t want us? If we simply ignore him, he’ll shut up.

Writing Addict said...

Buttahdread I am feeling your response, and delight in its intent and meaning. However, I have to remind you all that he did not specifically say that he doesn't have sex w/ black women he stated that he doesn't have sex with any woman besides white which includes us.

Now, his words didn't so much as anger me rather than the reckless way he used them in such a powerful medium. See, I know the power of the media. I know because I am reaching hundreds and potentially thousands of people monthly through my blog. I will not stop being myself, nor will I water down what I say. Still I will not go out of my way and harm others through the use of my words neither.

We cannot control peoples thoughts or actions, and everyone has a right to their own opinion. Still I have a problem with him saying them the way that he did.

No, you can't tell someone how to talk and what words to say. But I am talking about ALL people in the spotlight, they need to be careful, they should understand that certain words: nigger, bitch, hoe, trick, dick, David Duke, KKK, White Supremacy, Spick, Wet Back, etc., are all sensitive words which carry a ton of weight to different people.

It goes back to self censorship. John Mayer has a ton of fans, supporters, of all races, and all ages. We ALL need to carry ourselves with respect, and be sensitive of one anothers feelings.

You and I may be strong, but many are not. This is all I am pointing out.

So, you remember the quote, "The tongue is mightier than the sword?"

Yea, that would be it!

buttahdread said...

Hi Writing Addict,

(Let me preface this by saying I have the utmost respect for your opinion, and I thank you for providing a forum in which such issues can be discussed.)

You made this statement: You and I may be strong, but many are not. This is all I am pointing out.

This illustrates a point I am trying to make. Black people must eliminate our inner weaknesses first before we can expect others to start treating us in a more positive light.
- If we are so quick to take offense to every little thing that is said about us, we will be viewed as that child on the playground who is so easy to pick on and cries to the teacher. Weak.
- If we take offense to words spoken by someone who is obviously not important enough or influential enough to stop the progress of our race (i.e. John Mayer), that is a sign of weakness.
- Over-sensitivity is a sign of a lack of self-confidence, which is weakness.
Bottom line: We will never gain respect from any other race if we as a group are weak. Weak people are not respected. Period. Destroying our weaknesses should be our focus, not the words of others who have no interest in our advancement.

That is why I am not offended by John Mayer’s statements. We as a race should be stronger than that. And I am not going to coddle and enable those who are weaker, either. As Black people, we are at war for our survival. And using a war analogy, if we were in the military, a sergeant would not reward the weaker soldiers by addressing them with ‘sensitive’ and ‘politically correct’ language. He would yell at them the same as the others, and make them go out and fight. Over time, the weaker soldiers would become strong.

When one has to censor him/herself or is censored by others, what this tells me is that “People are not smart enough to decide what is real and what is not real on their own. Therefore someone else has to do it for them”. Censorship also involves sugar-coating to protect people’s feelings. I find this to be demeaning because it assumes that we cannot take the straight medicine. Someone else is deciding how information should be presented to you. I say just put it out there and make people think for themselves.

As for the media, it is very powerful, true. But its power is based on how much attention we give it. If people all of a sudden stopped watching romantic comedies and only watched action movies, Hollywood would make less romantic comedies and a higher quality of action flicks. John Mayer is an attention whore. If no one reacted to his Playboy interview, he would experiment with other options until he got the attention he wanted. We control the media. If there is no demand, then it will not happen. That’s why I say, ignore the idiots and praise the ones who are doing positive things. Eventually, the tides will turn.

By the way, I addressed Black women in particular because the title of the blog is only about Black women.

Good debate!

Aisha said...


I disagree that taking offense or being sensitive to others disrespect is a sign of weakness. I think it's weak to allow outsiders to think they can defecate all over your racial/ethnic group without fear of repurcussions.

There are certain groups in this country that people don't publicly criticize because they KNOW there will be swift and certain consequences. Do you think John Mayer would have been talking reckless about Jewish people like that? I don't think so, because his career would be OVAH. People disrespect Black folks because they are allowed to get away with it.

Don't get me wrong-John Mayer is not important, and I don't think this particular situation is that big of a deal. I just used this example to say that letting things slide is not in our best interests.