Alright Queens here we go....a new series, Ask Writing Addict. I tried to avoid it really I did; but somehow the emails have gone from hair, to life, to love. Whew! I might as well share the love letters just as much as sharing the hair questions. You never know who else may be going through. So, just know I am not a Psychologist, a minister, nor an expert on the matter. However, I have been down many-a-road, currently in a loving marriage, and have lived a thorough life in my young years. So please ask away, and I promise to give you an honest answer no matter how much it hurts! Let's Go!
Dear Writing Addict,
I wanted to ask you a question, I don't want to ask anyone I personally know because their answer will be biased. So here it goes:
I've been seeing this guy for about two years. He is really a great person, we have one child together, and were engaged. We also currently live together. He holds a really good job, and is currently in college thinking about going to medical school. I work and go to school too. So were both really busy people, and try our best to make time for one another. The one thing is, well he doesn't really show a lot of affection, not really a touchy feely type of person. And well, I like that sort of thing. We go for weeks without sex because of our schedules and stuff.
So this guy at my job keeps coming around, giving me compliments, bringing me coffee. He's single, and REALLY attractive. I think I like him. Do you think I should go out with him? Do you think this would be wrong? I don't plan on letting my boyfriend know. Please give me some advice on this!
A Lil Lonely
Dear A Lil Lonely,
Honey while I understand how you could be a lil frustrated, I have to ask you, "Have you discussed your frustrations with your man?" "Have you given him a chance to fix what he is lacking?"
I ask this because while you have your needs, I don't think its right to just detach completely from this relationship and get involved head first in another one. This is not to say you don't deserve happiness, but if your man is coming home, taking care of home, trying to better himself, taking care of his child, and planning to wife you what is the problem?
Its easy to look for what we are lacking somewhere else, but trust me honey; there will always be something. No relationship is perfect! It takes work, trust me I know! When you have 2 people who are as busy as you two you have to make time to work on the relationship. Its easy to think a man is "supposed" to know what you need and want. Honey please, you have to tell these men! Most don't have a clue. I am just afraid that you are going to mess up a good thing, because of non-communication.
Creeping with the next man is only going to cause more problems. Who knows what type of situations this other man has going on! The one thing I suggest you do is this, Make time with your man. Can you two arrange some type of babysitting for your child, and maybe go on a staycation, mini vacation? You two need to talk. You need to be totally honest with him and tell him what you need and want. Then go as far as to say you are feeling neglected and possibly having feelings like you need to seek the attention elsewhere. I bet he don't even know how bad it is. Men are like that. If you aren't complaining about it, or talking to him about it seriously, they just don't have a clue!
So I hope this helps. Hold off on the other dude! Get your home straight first, then you might find you aren't really attracted to this guy at all, that you just like the attention. I do have 1 question, "Why are you guys only engaged and not already married? How long have you two been living together?" Just wondering because, honey two years is quite a long time to be "engaged." Who is putting the wedding off, just curious?
I will say this...you two need to make some moves. Either get it together or you should go ahead and be single. There is too much going on here seriously!