On the Road to Queendom: July 2010

Listen In on the Interview!

Hi Queens I am being interviewed by Author/ Publisher Kisha Green on Writers Life Chats Blog Talk Radio! Listen and call in! (718) 508-9827

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

I just read a post over on one of my "guilty pleasure" websites, Necole Bitchie, where Lyfe Jennings breaks it down as to why the "baller" does not want a regular woman. The media these days will tell you that the black woman isn't whats hot right now...they will tell you this because the "other" women seem to be "in demand." That is they are on the television, the movie screen, in print, on the blogs, and swinging on the arms of black men everywhere. No matter how great, and secure the black woman is the subject still comes up almost on a daily basis. It comes up in girl talk all of the time amongst my friends, and my friends are blended; meaning, I have friends of every color of the rainbow. So, usually my friends will turn to me and ask me, "Toshia how is it that you snagged a good black man?" Then I have to retort with, "Well, why wouldn't I? I'm a great catch honey." That and the fact that I didn't sit around waiting for the perfect black man (more on this another time).

I get the looks, and even the questionable stares by women and men all of the time. Those questionable eyes are wondering, "What makes her so confident, so secure, so damn happy." I'm getting to the point of my post keep reading. This contentment with myself didn't come so easily. Trust me there was a point in my life where I was very insecure, I didn't know if I were coming or going. Also, I too grimaced and turned up my lip when I saw a brother with a non-black woman. But those days are long gone, I am an equal opportunity player, and I could care less what or who a black man chooses to date. Of course, I have to disagree with any person refusing to date a particular race because they think that race isn't good enough. I have some choice words for a person who refuses to date within their race, because of superficial ideals, or generalization of the whole race.

Therefore, I've come to this conclusion; loc'd and natural women everywhere have a certain air about themselves, a certain je ne sais quoi. I'm going to focus on locs because this is a loc blog. Sure its only hair, but you have to understand what it takes to get to the place where you decide to go natural. Let it all go and just be yourself, the woman God intended you to be without additives or fillers. To rebuff the creamy crack, to just say no to that silky, laying down effect. It takes a whole lot of deprogramming especially if you weren't raised to love your natural self. So when you finally deprogram and reprogram yourself with self-love, self-esteem, happiness, and spirituality everything else comes naturally. You no longer look for that superficial brother who is living a certain "lifestyle." You don't care about too many Chanel or Prada bags, you could care less about being seen on the scene, and being provided for in a certain capacity. Now, don't get me wrong this is not to say we as natural women don't want to live comfortably and afford nice things, I am saying that it comes secondary to the "quality of life we receive." We rather get our spirit right and have longevity with a man who is on the same page. This man will be in touch with his spirit, will make sure his Queen is happy, he sees past her outward appearance, and looks at the overall beauty. He isn't interested in bagging this chick, or that chick. The men we usually date, or become mates with are taking care of himself, his children, and his Queen. He doesn't want the spotlight, a harem of chicks, nor is he materialistic. Guess what? He might not be black either (complete shocker I know).

So, black women if you are reading this and you are wondering why industry men aren't looking at you when you have so much to offer you ought to be happy. You ought to breathe a sigh of relief. You might be sparing yourself a lot of heartache, sleeplessness, emptiness, and ignorance. If you are wondering why you aren't the ballers so called choice then you need to look inward and reevaluate your own thinking. I have a King, and he is the most laid back, intelligent, kind, spiritual, giving, and loving black man I have ever known. He doesn't care about attention from anyone besides myself and our children. I can go to sleep without worry, my quality of life is great. Yes, I have the two degrees, two cars, and a house in the suburbs and it didn't take a so called baller to get it.

I'm content with my "quality" of life, and you should be content with the quality of yours.

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

Check this Out!

Our very own, Sisterloc'd Queen and member of OTRTQ, Pebbles made this video up about receiving my book. Here is the ironic thing; I just saw it yesterday, and that very same day I ran into her! It was the universe full circle I tell ya! I got very misty eyed once I saw this video. I really try to do my best here at On the Road to Queendom for you Queens so when you support me in my endeavors it makes me work that much harder for you! Its so important to support one another. That is why I try to showcase your beauty, art, fashion, whatever talent you possesses because we cannot move forward without each others support.

So thank you again Pebbles for this, its so very sweet, and thank you for being there for your Queen Writing Addict!

You Queens support her in her many endeavors too, she brings us Lock University, an online beauty supply store, and her personal sisterloc blog!

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

Sherri Shepard gets Relationship Advice

Sheri Sheppard from the View sits down with a relationship expert for some advice, but walks out after she doesn't like what she hears! LOL

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

Ne-Ne's Corner: Bahama Mama

Just landed in the Bahamas.. Its soo beautiful here.. I'll Be shooting for Elife magazine on Thursday for there swimsuit edition..

Check out their website http://www.elife242.com/

Lets see if I can find some chocolate eye candy for you ladies while I'm here.. I'm on the hunt :)

Nerissa Love :)

WWW.NERISSAIRVING.COM

Loc'd Beauty of the Week

The incrediably beautiful, earth Goddess Sepsenahki Aahkhu!

Her blond locs are simply divine on her, it really compliments her tone and face.

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

Hairstyle Wrapup!

Mater Makeup Artist extraordinaire Lyza Dora! Honey she can beat your face and literally transform you! Her work is above amazing and her style is above 100% So when I saw her pics of her corkscrew curls I just had to post them for you Queens!

Depending upon the length of your locs you will have to choose the correct size rod. These curling rods are available at your local beauty supply store. With locs you don't need product to curl your hair, but if you want a bit more hold you can use a very lightweight clear gel.

She is just too cute for words isn't she?

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

NeNe's Corner- Next stop The Bahamas

I've traveled around the world and seen many cultures and people, but the Bahamas is still on the top of the list for me. It's incredibly beautiful there but I love it because of the friends I made while I was there. They also have this famous little restaurant there called NESBITS.. I'm absolutely addicted the food. Well anyway, let's see what adventures I get myself into on next weeks trip to the Bahamas.

Pics and videos coming soon :)

Nerissa Love

Summer, Summer, Summertime!

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

You Need to Know

Nerissa "Queeny" Hope

I have been wanting to interview her for sometime. We all know of her famous daughter, well I wanted to know where she got that great self-esteem and pride from. You know it all starts from somewhere. Just as I imagined, she "gets it from her mamma." Nerissa is named after her mother, and the woman known as Queeny is rich with wisdom, and knowledge. She isn't afraid to share it, and she is doing a great job instilling that same since of self-esteem and confidence in her other younger daughters as well. The whole family rocks locs! So read on as she talks to us about raising our daughters to have pride, self-esteem, and a sense of "self."
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I have been locing my hair for 25yrs long. My decision was spiritually and culturally motivated. I have never cut my hair. The thought may have crossed my mind maybe once or twice but I have no desire to cut my hair. My hair represents what I stand for (living 99% to 100% natural). Yes I use products on my locs and my children's locs. I try to use products that are s close to natural as possible. I prefer liquid oil blends containing olive oil & coconut oil on my scalp and a oil spray with the same ingredients for my locs.

The name of my catering business is HOPE GARDENS FOOD FOR LIFE "EVERYTING ORGANIC". I specialize in vegan/ vegetarian food. My mission is to promote an healthy way of eating. I cater to people who eat healthy. I am in Miami and you can contact me on my Facebook fan page HOPE GARDENS FOOD FOR LIFE or 7864547992.

As parents we have to understand the difference between feeding a child's belly and feeding their spirit. I feed my children spirit with love; love opens the doors to self-esteem, confidence, creativity, imagination and self-respect. It's about teaching by example, I made a conscious effort to live live naturally and love my natural beauty. I am a born again Ethiopian/kushite, I never always new this but when I became conscious of it I love myself even more. It is this consciousness & awareness that I impart unto my children that make naturally beautiful and love themselves.

This as been our way of life for so long that grooming comes naturally. Everyone except for my 4 & 2 yrs old do their own grooming. I groom their locs until they indicate that they are able to do it on their own, (I have to make an appointment with my 4 years old, he can be a riot when getting his locs groomed), lol.

It's sad to say but the problem of lack of self-esteem, self love and the practice of living naturally goes back to who your parents is or was. Whatever you want your children to be, you have to be the best example of it; so be full of esteem, love yourself and live naturally (don't fake it, they will know).

Let's not make the same mistake twice. Don't allow society to dictate your African beauty as our mothers before us did. They didn't know then what we know now. We know today that the use of chemicals and other unnatural products can destroy brain cells which eventually leads to other medical problems. So as you ponder the decision to loc or not to loc focus on the health and wellness of your children and not society. I have resisted society for 25 yrs strong and have succeeded in raising a naturally beautiful young woman; who will continue to succeed because she naturally knows who she is and not what society want her to be.

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Profound information indeed. Thank you Nerissa for sharing your insight on rearing grounded, productive, and proud children!

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

Loc'd Beauty of the Week

This weeks Loc'd Beauty of the Week is none other than Vanessa Clark. She is a freeform loc'r and she shares with us a little bit about herself, and why she chose to go natural and freeform!

I was born in Dallas, Texas but have lived in many states and have also lived abroad in England! I recently graduated with my B.A. in English and will soon get my M.A. in Education. I hope to eventually teach either elementary or high school English, and maybe one day become a published writer!

Originally I started off my locs with 2-strand twists and maintained my roots every 2 months and then every 2 weeks. I suppose the reason why I finally took the plunge and started freeforming was because I felt like it became a chore to “train” my roots, and I realized that I wasn’t really into the neat, manicured look. I always liked it when my locs were more wild and free, so that ultimately was the reason why I freeform and still do.

I suppose I have some support from my family and friends, but truthfully I don’t think they really care! I’ve gained a lot of compliments though, that’s for sure, but they’ve never really had strong opinions on what I’m doing to my hair or what my hair looks like, which is nice.

The products I use on my hair are mostly just coconut oil, olive oil, essential oils, and water, and lots of it! I wash my locs with Dr. Bronner’s castile soap, and use an ACV rinse after every wash. Otherwise, my routine is pretty simple.

I feel like I’m worthy for being Loc’d Beauty of the Week because I feel like I can be an example for some loc rockers who are still deciding if they should freeform or not, and I’ve also combined my locs a great deal as well, which is also something that a lot of loc rockers go through.

Well go head Queen Vanessa! She radiates energy, positivity, and beauty! Rock those locs!

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

Black Men Revealed....but Which Black Men are they Referring to?

**UPDATED**

I reached out to TV One to express my concerns and this is what they tweeted me, yes on Twitter:

@WritingAddict Sorry the show didn't meet expectations. Hope #ultimatemerger (a dark-skinned woman and men of all shades) works better

Really TV One? You are really offering a weak apology followed by comparing The Ultimate Merger starring Omorosa and a serious topic such as self-hate amongst black people. Do me no favor by offering your weak apology. You are just proving my point, your programming is reckless, and above all ignorant. You won't even take a moment to review the taping, and bump it against my grievances. You pass me off as a weak, ignorant, television viewer with a robotic empty mind. I'm sure whoever is tweeting has an insignificant part in all of this and is doing nothing more than offering sarcasm. It is neither funny, nor cute. Your programming is stifling, and it does nothing to further our people.

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TV One has a show that airs at 10 am EST called, Black Men Revealed. Now on their programming page it states the hosts of this show are Doug and Ryan Stewart, but this wasn't the host that I saw sitting in the host seat for the past two days. You see I live on the West Coast therefore, I see the show while I'm dressing for work in the morning.

Now yesterday, they were having a round table discussion about men cheating....but what I saw was a round table of black men discussing how they cheated, why they cheated and what they will do to not get caught...again. Yes, really, they were supposedly dishing and teaching those out there in TV land how not to get caught when cheating. I was baffled, but not surprised because this of course is TV One. You might have guessed it already, TV One is owned by Radio One and who else? You guessed it, Comcast you know the same lovely people who brings us BET? Please I don't have much time for this post so I really can't get into all of that but you get my drift right? If not then you know how to contact me.

Moving along, what really moved me to write this blog is the fact that this morning the Black Men Revealed show had the Dark Skin vs. Light Skin round table discussion going on...hmm...okay. I was prepared to see some really intelligent brothers sitting there giving their take on this stronghold that has our community divided, but I digress. What I saw was a comedian (I guess that's who he was), some other young brother I am not familiar with, and Al B. Sure (yes, mister Do Ya Wanna Wanna), and a well known photographer. Look I was still hopeful; maybe they had some knowledge to drop on the black community...yea right.

Let me just say that my jaw dropped as the comedian (lawd I wish I had wrote this brothers name down) said matter of factly..."Naw, I don't date dark skinned women, unh-uh I don't fool with them; my woman is so light she almost white," then when the host asked him why he said, "Because they have attitudes, all of em." I blankly stared at the screen. Then the other young brother, said, "No, my preference is light-skinned because all those dark skinned women have attitudes; my wife is Sicilian." Then they moved on to the videographer/photographer (who was African might I add) he stated, "I just got back from Africa, and I love dark skinned women; their cheekbones structure, etc." Don't get happy just yet because he added, "But I don't really date dark skinned women from America, because they do have this attitude about them. Well there goes hope. Then it was Al B Sure's turn up for bat, I just walked the hell away to continue my business because at this point I was without hope. Well he stated for him it wasn't about color at all it was about a spiritual thing, that and feet. "What? Okay whatever."

I have chimed in on this light skinned vs. dark skinned time and again. But the recklessness took me somewhere else. Where were the intelligent people to really go deep with this subject? Where were our brothers who were secure within themselves enough, who saw past color period to break this down where we can all understand that beauty is in how a woman carries herself, her personality, etc. Not just by the color of her skin. Why did they put men in front of the camera who had nothing to say good about the many beautiful dark skinned women with kind hearts, and the deeply rooted women of our society? This brings me to my next point of why I am disgusted.

Revisiting Soca Queen & Loc'd Beauty Fay Ann Lyons

The beautiful songstress Fay Ann Lyons!

We made her our Loc'd Beauty last year; don't remember? Well click here where we paid homage to her beauty. Here the Queen is wearing her hair back in a bun. I wish we could see the detail in the back.

The Queen gave birth to Buji and her 1st child last year. She is right back in shape and more beautiful than ever!

These two completely compliment one another, and honey the music is fiyah!

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

Artist Spotlight...

I found these paintings online and they are so profound, and speak volumes! These are from Margaret Bowland, Earlier this year Margaret Bowland won the prestigious Outwin Boochever Portrait Competition.

Another Thorny Crown Series: Gray J

The Artist (2010)

Flower Girl #2 (2009)

How many of you Queens see yourself as a child in the above pics? I know I see myself in the painting Flower Girl #2, especially with the barrettes on the very end of her hair. This painting is so real. I don't know if this is the artists' intent, but this is how I see them. What do you think of these paintings?

Stay Blessed & Happy Locing!

Catching up with Loc'd Beauty Nerissa...

It's been said on this blog before that you cannot google, or visit any Rastafari, or loc'd website without seeing this beautiful face. But here we pay homage to the natural beauty which is Nerissa Irving because she stays true to herself, and seems to personify what a Loc'd Beauty really is. She is a member of the blog, and checks in with us exclusively to keep us up-to-date on her "goings on" and now her good news! We here at On the Road to Queendom are extremely proud and excited of her success! Read on to see what the Empress has been up to recently:

WA: So Empress what have you been up to so far this year?

NI: A lot of exciting things have been taking place besides working on a consistent basis, I am now the official face of all Jamaican Mango & Lime products!

WA: This is definitley hot news, and I can't think of someone more deserving.
NI: Thank you! Actually I just got back from Atlanta where I did a photo shoot and commercial for their television and print ads!

WA: I hear you have more exciting news! This is probably even more exciting for our fellas out there who appreciate natural and real beauty!

Loc'd Beauty of the Week

The Funkadelic Desiree Marshall but known as Dezi Dee...

Dezi is the founder and artist of Afrodelik Designs in Toronto, Canada. Her fashion line celebrates black culture by producing rich, funky, hand-drawn Afrocentric art collections for clothing.

Check out those honey blonde locs honey. Simply fierce! She is indeed a Queen!

Her line Afrodelik embraces the bounce of the afro, the groove and diverse curves of hot mamas, and the cockiness of shuga daddies. The strong energy of African spirit and our heroes and sheroes of today and yesteryears.